The Roof Is on Fire Funny
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...
A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.
Drunk people are always fascinating
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "
How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house?
There's a parking meter on the roof.
Still the best blonde joke to date..
A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
Two antenna met on a roof...
fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much but the reception was *excellent*.
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
My physics teacher told me I had potential.
Then he threw me off the roof.
My roofing business is having a great promotion right now...
If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.
A British engineer just opened a buisness in Afganistan.
He is selling landmines that look like prayer mats. When asked how buisness was going he said that prophets are going through the roof.
You can explore roof window reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean roof ledge dad jokes. There are also roof puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why i love redheads?
Because if roof is rusty it's always wet in basement.
How do you get a blonde on a roof?
Tell her drinks are on the house.
A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....
I sat back looking at the stars and began to think..
Where the HECK is my roof?!
I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
A Joke by my Physics Teacher
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.
Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
A man has started a business in Afghanistan. He's selling landmines that look like prayer mats...
Prophets are going through the roof.
Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder
what happened to my roof
A vegan buddhist...
...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.
I was disappointed to have to pay for my new roof
they promised me it would be on the house
So I recently opened a suicide bomb shop in Syria, and it's doing great!
Prophets are going through the roof.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
It depends on how thinly you slice them.
I made a company that disguises land mines as prayer mats...
Prophets are through the roof
Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first?
One with the smaller mew.
I started a boat business in the attic.
The sails are going through the roof
I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...
Now I'm in a world of pain.
My new invention has made me rich!!!
exploding prayer mats, prophets are going through the roof
What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof?
Don't do that, you have so much potential!
2 antennas met on a roof.
They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible!
Hurricane Ophelia just blew the roof off my cheese factory.
There's de Brie everywhere
I started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats
Prophets are going through the roof.
(Yes it's old, but I still love it)
Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof
He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.
How did the guy in Roblox die?
He fell through the r-OOF
A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof
The physicist shouts Don't jump, you have so much potential!
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…
Where the f*ck is my roof?
A woman's on vacation and calls home
She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"
The husband says, "The cat's dead."
The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."
"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."
The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"
The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."
A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove
When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?
Guy A calls guy B
Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l
The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof
The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"
The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home
Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"
Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"
3 boys are bragging about their grandfathers
The first boy said: "My grandpa's mansion is worth a million dollars."
While the second said:"Well my grandpa's mansion is worth 5 million, he has a private basketball court and a clubhouse too. "
The last one said:" My grandpa's roof is worth 15 million alone... "
The other two replied:" Wow, where does your grandpa live?"
He replied:"under the overpass of course! "
My friend decided to start an industry selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets have been going through the roof.
A physicist is walking along a road when she looks up at a tall building...
She sees a man on the roof getting ready to jump and shouts out to him, "Don't do it, you have so much potential!"
What's the cheapest part of a house?
The roof tiles, because they're on the house.
I started a company..
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!
Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins?
Society
Two antennae get married on a roof
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was *amazing*!
In Tribute
Boy: I'll bet you a dollar my dog can talk
Man: you're on
Boy: how does sandpaper feel?
Dog: Ruff!
Boy: what's on top of a house?
Dog: Roof!
Boy: who's the greatest ballplayer ever?
Dog: Ruth!
Man: come on! I ain't payin' for that, get out of here!
* Boy and dog walk away *
Dog to boy: should I have said Hank Aaron?
What does a tornado and a wife have in common?
They both start with alot of sucking and blowing, then you end up without a roof over your head.
I took my dog to the local talent agent yesterday.
We walked through the door and I handed him our card:
"Barney. Talking dog."
The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Alright, show me what you got."
"Hey Barn, how was work this week?"
"Rough."
"What goes on top of a house?"
"Roof."
"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth."
Just then the agent grabbed us both and tossed us out into the street.
Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head.
"Knew I should have said Hank Aaron."
My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he's going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution.
I told him my door is always open.
My wife just found out I swapped our bed for a trampoline…
She hit the roof.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat.
After a few days, she called her husband and asked, How is everything going?
The cat is dead, he replied coldly.
She cried out and said, You could have said the cat is playing on the roof on the first day, and the next day, it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead!
No reply. The wife sighed sadly, Anyways, how's my mom?
She's playing on the roof.
Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of an 18th floor Nightclub...
He was not a bouncer.
Police have confirmed today that the man who fell from a night club roof.
Was not a bouncer.
I've started a business selling prayer mats which are also trampolines...
Prophets are going through the roof.
I Started A New Business Making Yachts In My Attic This Year
The sails are going through the roof
I traded my bed for a trampoline.
My wife hit the roof!
What do you call a group of cows who play poker on the roof?
High steaks
I once tried a bungee jumping cord to the roof of the school.
I got suspended
What do you say when you lose 25% of your roof?
Oof
You think gas prices are expensive, have you seen Chimneys?
They're through the roof.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/roof-jokes.html
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